Medium not even close !

Last night i went to watch a medium in the local town hall. It all came about when i went for lunch at the local eattery "The Glass onion " and i spotted the poster with a picture of a beautiful, ethereal ,golden haired lady wearing a long flowing blue cape with mist and clouds around her. The sign read "Come for an evening of clarvoyance with Sapphire. A night you will remember forever . £2. per person..
Well how could i resist?? So i made plans to meet up with the cafe owner and go.
I was early . I'd had to hang around for an extra hour after work to save the drive home and back, and the shop when its closed is a bit spooky and my imagination was all over the place...

When i got upstairs to the hall there were some dodgy looking charactors [what a snob am i] but You know the type or maybe not... No teeth and tattoed heads.....Well they were taking pictures of everywhere and everyone the empty stage etc . And I realised they where trying to photograph orbs or spirit activity ! and there was a great deal of excitment and camera clicking when a moth fluttered around the stage ?? nothing unusual there believe me.

I sat right at the back so i could nip to the bar for more wine, S arrived and grabbed her becks and we waited to be enlightened. What i hadnt realised was the floor is sprung and as i raised my glass someone passed and my wine bounced out of my glass and landed down my neck well that was it hilarity set in for the night...
Then Sapphire arrived she was an awful shock!! At least 65, black,black hair with ginger/grey roots, a sleeveless nylon mini dress not good with very bad posture and very boney limbs, american tan tights and peep toe shoes finished off with a waspy belt [remember them] with a butterfly buckle which made her skirt lift up at the front over her pot belly we were nearly glimpsing knickers !! and all this on a tall stage under floodlights {{{{urgghhhh}}}} scary stuff!!

She rolled her eyes and cocked her ear as if listening and said in [a brummy accent] " can anyone take a Robert" huh all blank faces "or it could be a Rob" still blank. "or maybe a Bobby" she was getting desperate " wait it's faint but it could be a roberta".It was very hard not giggle.
Ok i'll leave robert she said. [can you do that?] again rolling her eyes and listening over her shoulder " I have a lady! here quite an old lady she's got grey hair [Noooo] and her name is Mrs Jones" Well i choked and my shoulders were heaving ! We're in Wales for gawd sake!! half the population are Jones's! Well needless to say some hands were raised surprise, surprise. And it was interesting to watch how desperate people were to believe.
At one point i nearly fell off my chair, when she suddenly pointed at a group of 3 ladies and said "are you going to the hairdressers this week"?"or sometime in the near future? They all had really bad hair" and they all nodded . I think a guffaw may have slipped out at this stage, because i got an elbow in the ribs.
Then she asked does anyone drive a Black BMW ? some one raised there hand, and they were told it would fly through it's MOT it was getting really bad! Groannnnn.
I'd like to think if a spirit was going to contact me it would not be to tell me i'm having my hair done or my cars in good nick . I'd want a meaningful message. Needless to say out of all the meagre 30 or so audience we were the only ones who weren't contacted . Whys that i wonder ??