Spiralling downwards.....

When was it that i became invisible to my babies My adored Kp and Thundercat ?..... It wasn't so long that I was the most important person in their lives and i gave my life over to them.... We Where The 3 musketeers the best of friends campfires woodland adventure's, escapes in the van to remote beaches and always love and hugs and kisses...
KP and i have struggled to keep a relationship over the years being the oldest and male he thinks he knows it all! Well he knows a bit ! He's always been careless in his words and actions and hurts without knowing...
Thundercat had trouble with excepting a new baby into the fold but was very grown up and old for her years my best friend and partner in any mischief i got up to....

I've given them both their freedom and treated them like adults and equals.

A few rules .
Don't LIE ever.
And let me know if you won't be home.

Well thundercat as broken both now that i know , i can see when she lied but can't understand why??
As for the last That is unforgivable with mobiles and to switch it OFF . To me it say's any consideration and respect as gone for the mother waiting at home for the phone to ring at 4 am , or driving around the lanes checking out ditches at 3am on christmas eve.....

Well this morning it came to the crunch. I'd been woken at about 4am by a strange melancholy whistle i'd never heard the like before it was from the soul , as it registered i shot up in bed [colins away] and looked out of the windows the dogs weren't disturbed, and didnt awake. Then a shiver went up my back was it the whistler?? our usual chirpy ghost heard but never seen... Was it a portent like a banshee heralding doom and death ?? How your imagination goes wild at night. Then pop into my head the dark thoughts is colin ok on his own as he fell of that flimsy ladder in the dark ??? Sorrel is she home is she in a ditch or worse at this moment being killed arggghhh in those thought s lies madness stop it ! stop it! go to sleep . Reach for a book and blank it out and read until your eyes burn . I dozed and waited for the alarm.... Bleary eye'd i woke Nell. "wheres soz" my uniform and school bag are in her car ... No answer from her mobile it's turned off !! AGAIN !!! Nell runs to the caravan shes not there her cars not there. why doesnt she let me know ? i need to find her so off to the village and check jen's nope then immys then just a general trawl heart racing..then theres her car phewwwwf outside s's house her ex, like she thinks we didn't suspect . why why Why wasnt she just honest and considerate with me i love her........ Now i have growing pains as they grow away and i've grown into the big bad wolf ...